Find Out Why Your Website is Slow(And How to Fix It Without a Developer)

Weekly monitoring that tells you exactly what's wrong and how to fix it yourself. In plain English.

Sample weekly report
Subject: Your website is slow because of this one thing
Problem:Homepage hero image is 4.2MB (should be under 200KB)
Impact:Losing ~40% of mobile visitors who leave after 3 seconds
Fix:Compress at tinypng.com → re-upload to your site (5 min fix)
One problem. One solution. Every week.
$29 one-time payment
No subscriptions
14-day free trial

Why PageSpeed Tools Suck for Normal People

You're a marketer, not a developer. You need answers, not algorithms.

GTmetrix Says:

"Eliminate render-blocking resources"
"Reduce unused JavaScript"
"Serve static assets with efficient cache policy"
🤷

You: "...what?"

Developer Says:

"It's complicated..."
"We need to refactor the codebase"
"That'll be $2,000 to start"
💸

You: "...seriously?"

We Say:

"Your logo is 3MB. Make it smaller."
"Delete that Facebook pixel you're not using"
"Install WP Rocket. Enable these 3 settings."

You: "I can do that!"

You Don't Need 47 Warnings

You need ONE clear problem with ONE clear solution that you can fix yourself in 5 minutes. That's what we do. Every week. In plain English.

Monitoring Made for Marketers, Not Engineers

We check your site weekly and tell you what actually matters.

We Test Weekly

Automated PageSpeed testing every Monday morning

You Get One Email

Just the biggest issue and how to fix it

You Fix in 5 Min

DIY instructions, no developer needed

Site Gets Faster

Better SEO, happier visitors, more conversions

We Speak Human

No "First Contentful Paint" or "Time to Interactive" gibberish. Just "Your images are too big" or "Delete this unused plugin."

✓ Plain English only

One Week, One Fix

GTmetrix shows 47 issues. We show you the ONE that matters most. Fix that, then we'll tell you the next one.

✓ No overwhelm

DIY Solutions

Step-by-step instructions you can follow. If it needs code, we'll tell you exactly what to tell your developer.

✓ Save $150/hour

Examples of Weekly Fixes We Send:

Compress images: Use TinyPNG.com
Remove unused plugins: List of what to delete
Enable caching: WP Rocket settings to click
Reduce font files: Which fonts to remove
Fix lazy loading: Plugin recommendation
Remove tracking codes: What's safe to delete

Stop Subscribing. Start Fixing.

One payment. Weekly reports for 2+ years. No monthly bills.

Other Monitoring Tools

$49/month
= $1,176 over 2 years
  • Monthly bills forever
  • Complex dashboards
  • Technical jargon
  • Still need a developer
  • 47 issues to stress about
LAUNCH SPECIAL

SpeedMetrics

$99$29one-time
First 100 customers only
  • Pay once, use for 2+ years
  • Simple weekly emails
  • Plain English explanations
  • DIY fixes (no developer needed)
  • One issue at a time

No credit card required

🔥 67 of 100 launch spots remaining

Why One-Time Payment?

Because we hate subscriptions too. Our server costs are basically zero. Why should you pay monthly for something that runs automatically? Pay once, get weekly reports for at least 2 years. Simple.

Why I Built This

I'm Malte. I used to charge clients $150/hour as a consultant to read their PageSpeed reports and tell them things like "your images are too big" or "delete that unused plugin."

It felt stupid. The fixes were usually simple - compress an image, delete unused code, enable caching. Things anyone could do if someone just told them in plain English.

Most monitoring tools are built for developers. They show you 47 warnings, complex metrics, and technical jargon. Marketers don't need that. They need to know the ONE thing that's actually slowing down their site and how to fix it themselves.

So I built a tool that does what I used to do - finds the biggest problem and explains how to fix it in plain English. No dashboards, no complexity, just "do this, fix that."

Currently helping our first beta users save thousands on developer fees. Want to join them?

Malte Hoffmann
Founder, SpeedMetrics.io
Rosenheim, Germany
🚀 Currently in Beta: First 100 users get lifetime access for just $29

Common Questions

Everything marketers ask before signing up

How is this different from GTmetrix or PageSpeed Insights?

Those tools show you problems. We show you solutions. GTmetrix gives you 47 technical warnings. We give you ONE clear instruction: 'Compress this image at TinyPNG.com.' No technical knowledge needed.

Can I really fix these issues myself?

Yes! We only send fixes you can do without code - like compressing images, installing plugins, or changing settings. If something needs a developer, we'll tell you exactly what to ask them (saves money on dev time).

Why weekly instead of daily reports?

Daily is just noise. You're not going to fix something every day anyway. Weekly gives you time to actually implement fixes and see results.

Why $29 one-time instead of monthly?

Because we hate subscriptions too. Our costs are minimal - it's all automated. Why charge monthly for something that runs itself? Pay once, get reports for at least 2 years.

What if my site doesn't have any issues?

Great! You'll get a weekly confirmation that everything's fine. Most sites have something that can be improved though - usually images that are too large.

Is this only for WordPress sites?

No, we monitor any website. The fixes we suggest are universal (compress images, enable caching, etc). For platform-specific issues, we'll give you platform-specific solutions.

What happens after 2 years?

We guarantee at least 2 years of service. After that, we'll likely keep it running (our costs are near zero). If we ever shut down, we'll give you plenty of notice.

Do I need to install anything on my website?

Nope! We monitor from the outside using Google's PageSpeed API. Just give us your URL and we'll start monitoring.

Still have questions?

Email me directly at malte@scarb.de

I personally reply to every email

Your Website Is Probably Fine

But if it's not, wouldn't you rather know? And more importantly, wouldn't you rather know how to fix it without calling your developer?

Here's the deal:
✓ Weekly monitoring (not daily noise)
✓ One problem, one solution (not 47 warnings)
✓ Plain English (not developer speak)
✓ DIY fixes (save $150/hour)
$29 once(normally $99)

No credit card required • No spam • No 47-point reports

Launch pricing ends soon - 67 of 100 spots left